sensitive

today is one of those days i wish i had a 'significant other'... because today it would feel so nice to lay my head on someone's shoulder and just lean on them for a while.

ok, not just anyone... i have a person in mind. who is not my significant other, who will never be my significant other. i miss being around him; what with him moving to the other end of the country. i miss sitting and bullshitting with him in the basement. i even miss him picking on me til i wanted to slap him.

some people are like that... so vital, so full of life. they're such a presence, and when they're gone -- it's notable. with some people, you forget what life was like before you knew them. for my closest friends, it's like that. i just had this conversation with my dearest john-boy... we've known each other nearly 4 years now, but it seems like i have known him forever.

no one has yet to fill the space that my friend out west left. not just because i had a thing for him... but because he was crazy and funny and serious and infuriating and invigorating and inspiring all at once. because he was was the brightest star in the sky :) of all my stars -- all my friends i think of when i look up at night.

he's my lucky star. i miss how he made me laugh.