what i remember.

you... light up my life... you give me hope... to carry on....

ok, i'm singing debbie boone. please shoot me!

horrible and cheesy, isn't it. but most of us have that person, or people, who can light up our entire day with little more than a smile. even less, i'd say, for some.

i have a friend who is frustrating and exasperating and stubborn and... heh. someone who is more like me than anyone else in this world. it's extremely comforting to know he exists. and any day i talk to him, the sun shines brighter. i have told other people this, i don't know if i have ever told him this. just his presence (infuriating though it may sometimes be) in my life is enough to make it more enjoyable. even when we fight -- now, at least -- i always feel like it will work itself out and be ok. he's the other side of my coin.

and then, there is my friend out west... who is dear to me for other reasons. and would be, even if i had never had feelings beyond friendship for him. he made such a difference in my life, a very positive effect... i miss him. a simple hello from him would be enough to keep me happy for a few days.
or, maybe not... it's hard to say. i have too much of myself invested in this situation, so i think in a way, it will always hurt, no matter what. i'm very happy for him, that he is living his dream and enjoying himself immensely. i can also admit that it hurts me to not be part of his life anymore. and that it still tears at me, every so often, when i acknowledge that i mean nothing to him, nothing at all. even as a friend... i'm kind of at the bottom of the list.


sunshine, rainbows, white clouds on a blue sky. yes, i am whimsical. but all my friends, all the people i love... they're like all the stars in the sky. and all of them are somewhere in my heart -- that's how i shine so bright.